Thursday, March 5, 2015

birthday wishlist #1

it's my birthday in a month, so I thought I would do a wishlist. My list has been growing massively. and it can change, but these items have been on my list probably since forever. haha

1. Naked 2 Basic by Urban Decay.
I've never wanted the big giant naked 1 2 3 palette, since I don't need that much. but as I wear make up more often. it's HARD to find matte eyeshadow these days. sigh. I don't mind if someone give me the naked basic, ot the 2nd one :3 what I see is that the naked basic 2 has lighter color than the first, so I thought I'll be able to use it flawlessly. 

2. Ankle Boots
I wanted Birkenstock this year, but now that I think again... the ugly sandal season is probably over... and each time I have thoughts what to wer with Birkenstock, I can't imagine it anymore. Birkenstock is just too chunky. I want more dainty sandals, which I haven't found yet. But!! flat shoes and ANKLE BOOTS are always on my list. I have one from h&m that are very uncomfortable, I have chelsea style one but they're tight, like

3. Sheer Knits and Bralette from Brandy Melville
I didn't like Brandy anymore for a while. I thought their clothes are for 15 year old. and now I'm almost 22!!!!!!! And they're pricey. but I've been trying to wear clothes like from &other stories, they're still too mature for me. I kine browse Brandy Mellville website and hell, I want some. They look comfy, especially for summer. these are the joanna bralette (I'll wear it as bra, not as top) and eleonora longsleeve

4. Powder Brush and Setting brush
these are from real techniques. I don't know if you can find them anywhere else in Germany except in Amazon. No need from real techniques though. I need big chunky powder brush and kinda blending brush for eyeshadow. Probably I need a Blush Brush as well ;D

5. Ipad Case for my Ipad 2
I don't know if anyone still has ipad 2. haha! I'm not into technology soo... I never buy an ipad case. what I have right now is the tacky one from the store where the ipad was bought. It costs only 11-ish euro but I never have the budget for that. sadly. this one is just exactly what I want. black, simple. it's from Amazon.

6. Mac Lipstick in Taupe / Velvet Teddy / Twig or Lip Liner in Spice
Kylie Jenner!!! haha. I was a fan of concealer nude lips for 2 years. I've been always loving berry red-ish lip color. But people change you know. I've spent like forever to find the perfect nude lip color (concealer type).  And each time I buy one Lipstick recommended by the girl who has same skin tone as me, I feel like I can't wear them. It never looks good on me. and there is kylie jenner who spreads the nude mauve Lips!!! yeay Kylie!!! it said that Kylie wears velvet teddy. and this thing has been sold out everywhere, even here. so stressful. So I kinda searched another color and here what I found: Taupe and Twig. Lip Liner in Spice I've been seeing it a lot too. want to try!!!

Saturday, February 14, 2015

death, marriage, and etc

I don't remember exactly what date was that, I know it was sunday very early morning, or well, it was saturday evening, when I heard that my grandmother passed away. It's been a year now since she's gone. The biggest inspiration in my life.
couple days ago I heard another sad news from Indonesia. My little cousin, who was only 4 year old passed away. Last summer I was there we were in family gathering and he was fine and very happy, playing with another cousins. I didn't know that much about him. My grandmother's children have only 2 children the most. this uncle had 4, so it's a bit hard for me to remember. but I knew him. After I flew back to Germany, not long after that, I heard he got some kind of tumor, and then cancer. It was an early diagnose I believe, and the process is sooo fast. I followed the story through facebook. It was a though time for my aunt, she writes and post pictures of her son everyday. But he was too little to feel such a pain, you know. and he's now pain free.
Days ago my close friend at high school get married. She was already engaged since the end of 2013. Waiting for her graduation, she planed to get married right after that. I remember I did double date with her back in early 2010, we skipped our extra course, she's the one who made me eat 'sambal'. I used to hate it. now she got married to a man I haven't even met.
Two of my school friends got married too before her. These two are pretty religious. It might not the only reason though.
But they're under 25. And I planned to get married at 26. It's next 4 or 5 years. I'm very intimidated because all of my friends are already a bachelor and having a job already. But I don't really care about marriage now. Even If I were in a relationship right now, my vision is not too get married. I remember what my grandma said about Hassan back in 2013 "well, just finish your college first." I couldn't agree more. And we (me and Hassan) agreed too.
I always say "I want to finish school and be a jobless woman with at least a bachelor title". to you all daughter whose mom is a career woman, you may see your mom care so much about her education and work. Like mom and grandma for example. I'm proud of them really, but sometimes I'm more agree to woman un-equality and let the men do the things. My dad will kill me though. he made my sister and I very feminine girls, let us go shopping, do some make up, go to skincare center. Yet it's a must for us to be able to drive and to have a very high education without even have to be able too cook or clean the house. My parents haven't thought about my marriage a bit.
Sometimes I think: so what's the point of life? we're all gonna die anyway, not all of us will get married. When I told my friend that not passing my exams is worse than not having any money or any place to stay, I really mean it. My focus is now my exams and I can wash the dishes in restaurant and get money If I don't really have any. Tell me I'm being too obsessed with school. But now tell me again, what's the point of life? to die? to get married and be a (house)wife?
My grandmother passed away the day she wanted to go home cause she had students who were gonna write exam the day after. She, my aunt said, who just does what she can in her life, cause she knew we are gonna die sooner or later anyway. And my cousin who still smiled and played, and did all the therapy. I'm gonna continue doing what I've been started, like they did before their death.

Friday, February 13, 2015

book wishlist: this winter/spring holiday

I'm not a Pro of reading novels. I' lazy and impatient, especially in understanding english or german haha.  I didn't buy any books at 2014, but I feel like being in love with books again. I have pretty much time since I don't have to do any internship yet I have pretty much time between the exams. but I don't have too many free time to travel or so. Plus, books look cool. Make me feel like anti-mainstream, cool, instagram, it girl, kinda girl (??) sorry people, i'm a bit judgmental lately.

1. A Novel
Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the Shore
I have 2 books from Murakami and I love them all! Wanna read some of his works

2. A Make up Book
Bobbi Brown Make up Manual
I spent a lot of money on make up lately and I feel like I can ask for more make up or buy myself some. I won't buy from bobbi brown though. but it looks interesting and very inspirational.

 3. A Motivation Type of Book
It's not How Good You Are, It's How Good You Want to Be
I must say I don't really like some motivation quotes most of the times. yep, I'm that ignorant. but once in a while i just real all quotes on tumblr and feel inspires by them. so i want to give it a try.

4. A Fun 'It Girl' Type of Book
How to be Parisian Wherever You Are
I don't want to be a parisian, haha.But I watch on youtube 10 things parisian does by Caroline de maigret and I like her style of telling the stories!

5. Some old, good, famous, every girl has read Novels

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov and The Bell Jar of Sylvia Plath are two of the books that I just wanted to read. I normally don't like over-famous books. Just because... but I think the stories are pretty interesting. not that difficult but still difficult (??)

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Best and Worst 2014 and the 2015s Resolutions

Not many things happen in 2014. I decided not to blog too much, instead I've been tumblring like every minutes in my life. If you find my writing in this post is a bit weird, apart from my grammar, it's because i'm typing from my friends laptop and i'm not used to it. so without any long opening, let's get started.
Worst of 2014: I must say, the hardest part of the year is when my grandma passed away. she's almost everything to me. she left this world in the most beautiful way I've ever heard, if that even makes any sense. shame to say, before my grandma passed away I was in a great depression of searching internship place along with my failure of several "easy" exams where almost all students passed it except, well, me. I had been cutting before that which left me scars till now. I stopped doing that after crying for a night when my grandma died, then the day after I asked many more Pharmacies and I got the internship. I didn't remember any worst case than this. but maybe, breaking up with Hassan was a hard desicion too. We grew up together here lets say, we met when we couldn't speak much german, nor have many german and foreign friends.look at ourselves now that we can actually speak in german and having friends from various countries. It's not that long distance relationship is that hard. he moved out from Berlin to maybe the southest part of Germany. it took forever to get there. we decidedto break up for goo d. we remain friends 'till now. and, oh well, in the end of the year i lost my passion to study since all my friends mostly graduated from college this year.
Best of 2014: I dont know if it's best or worst but I didn't visit any new country this year, instead I visited Paris in October. I've been to Francebefore, Strasbourg to be exact.But I went to Paris to meet my dad, it was a very short trip, I'm glad that I met him. But I'll probably never want to travel alone anymore. I stopped buying craps. I dont even know what that means haha, I only buy things that I would wear. even though there was no spulrge like docmarts or so this year since I've been hauling on clothes. I tried to bake, it was november since I started to bake. I only failed in one subject and finished almost everxthing I have to finish this year in college. means, there's no reason for me to give up on school. seems there's not much to be proud of in 2014....
Resolutions: I wanna say I want to pray more regularly, reading quran as well and be more grateful. Study regularly and not seeing my friends as my rivals anymore. I can't make a wish to learn a new language even though I want to do so but I want to visit at least one new country, If not Netherland then Italy will do, or whatever country it might be. buying one "splurgy" pair of docmart or a bag. only one. I want to wear more make up, for myself. Iwant to take care of my skin more seriously.means Ineed to manage my money to afford them. I wish myself to be more flexible with people. I'm always that cold friend. oh well, seems like I dont have too many resolutions actually...
so hope you all have a great new year wherever you are